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Hey Tyler Hey Tyler. Hey

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hey Joey

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this pens very distracting

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hello welcome to too much Tali my very organic podcast you guys have been asking I am now delivering it's taking me a little while you know we had a clever pen damage there were a few things going on there a little bit more important than a podcast but here I am my own show we've got Jess here my producer a towel so this episode is gonna run a little bit differently to future episodes it's gonna be a bit of a getting to know you q&a vibe just for those who maybe don't know me and that's fair enough. I'm completely irrelevant these days. Okay, so yes, yes, I did a q&a my Instagram. You now have all those weird and wonderful questions. I've also got some of my own questions for you. Okay, good good. I'm terrified but open Sure. I guess I just wanted to check before we started anything off limits No, nothing's off limits you know me I've been book should probably have a muzzle sometimes but you

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Not go for a gimme hit me with the best shot there is nothing that I haven't seen or heard before so I'm actually quite confident about this let's get started

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we've actually just popped a bottle of passion pop that's how we classy girls do it here too much Tali. Just when was the last time you had a glass of passion pop? I don't think I've had one since 2006. You really, really offensively scrunched up your face with your first sip took me through that because I'm really enjoying this floral delicacy. It's so fruity. It is really fruity. It's too fruity. For me. It smells like a lush bath balm or something anything like it's it's it smells too good to be true like it shouldn't it Yeah, this delicious. Is it also bringing back memories fully. It's bringing back a few memories I had look I mean, you can't go wrong with fibre but with passion pop Kenya, probably about $7. So that's an absolute rule. Now it's gone up in price. It also has eggs and milk in it. But like I know that some

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One has twice as old like may contain, but this just says plain out. carbonated wine based beverage of Australia contains sulfites egg and milk so bizarre is that breakfast? cheese cheese breakfast breakfast drinks. Oh, she actually doesn't choose

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Okay, so I have given you access all area pass to my DMS which are really terrifying place they were terrifying for me because I would not answer half of them. I've had way worse really I truly have like I thought this was a really good round to give you access to because they were quite PG usually the more like

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have you seen that new Netflix film? 365 Yes, you have seen Yes, I have Yeah. What are they Portuguese or something? Italian. That's it. Did you know that? Yes. I don't care what their friend but I care about is how sexy they are. Because when I say my word, my word anyway. So usually my dams are kind of more long, that kind of line. But these ones were kind of there was good

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Mixed Bag. It was an Alan's all sorts licorice allsorts bag. They were they were covered a lot of topics. And you know what? That's one thing I will say about my Instagram followers in particular they are very bunch. You know, we do have the occasional Can I please see a photo of your feet? I mean that's that's the norm Have you done that before? Jess? Have you seen my face? No. Can you show me her? rendus like sure no, no, no no no, like, so bad. Like I pretend I lie and say like when I start dating someone and like we eventually have to get to the point where I'm not wearing shoes, because I'm not going to you know have sex with my boots on unless you ask me to in which case I'm down.

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And I pretend I lie and say that like I've been like doing ballet my whole life. And that's why they say Fox because I feel like that is a great like, out. It's like Oh, you're a ballerina. So like you're super flexible, which I am not. And then they get you into bed and they'll and then I caught him touch my toes. I really got I really can't touch my toes at the length

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Is it the I'm glad you brought that up, Jess, I'm actually challenged. dimension wise, right. So I'm quite tall. I'm 510. But I don't actually, I'm not proportionate. So it seems like I'm proportionate, but I'm very much not so my tool. So the tool part of me, unfortunately. So I've got a really long body, which means when I try and wear like jumpsuits or cute little like, overalls, just to cameltoe straight up cameltoe Unfortunately, it is unfortunate and to watch it for many people, mainly people have to watch me coming down the street. So I'm actually much taller from my waist up than I am from my waist down. So how much touch my toes if like, it's physically impossible, huh? Anyway, I digress. You've had quite a few DMS about going on dates going on walks. How is your ISO dating life going? Oh, well, we're right now we're in ISO 2.0. ISO 1.1 point oh, I actually hit it pretty hard.

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You know, I've never been one to shy away from the fact that I'm on various dating apps. I'm currently on three. We've got Raya, which of course is the dating app for. They say for the creative industry, it's basically a dating app for hot, famous people's lives. Yeah, not that I'm hot or famous. But obviously, you know, in Australia, I'm a, maybe possibly a bigger fish in a smaller pond. Because I told you like this, this app has like actual celebrities like, like Hollywood movie stars, and producers and professional sports players and DJs and Victoria's Secret models, and then there's like me, from Big Brother 2013. And do you connect with those celebrities? Yeah, so it's not it's not like the other apps which mainly geotargeted it's you can match with anyone anywhere in the world, which is fun for like naught point three seconds, and then you realise, Oh, hang on, like, we can actually go cup a drink, like without hopping a plane for 24 hours, which of course now in lockdown, we can't do so.

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But it is nice to see the beautiful people. But then it's also hard to go from like this six foot eight, like African American pro like NBA player. And then you hop on like Bumble. And you have like Troy, the Sparky from Alterna, and you're like I yeah, they've kind of similar, like you work through a little bit. Yeah. I mean, you're at least only 40 minutes away rather than 14 hours. I've no Look, I saw. I saw version one. I hit it pretty hard. I was bored, you know, boredom, the house in the house bored and I wasn't really working and we're all touching the house. And so I was chatting a lot and during the whole house party chat, or zoom chat or whatever, video chatting, but then you only really have two options after that. And it's to either go for a walk or have them over to your house, or you go to their house. Yeah. And like that's not ideal. For a first date with a stranger. It's too scary, isn't it? I just start I mean, it takes me a while to feel comfortable having people over in my

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Harder, unless you put your housemate to worry about like, I can't really be like, Can you just go and stay in your room for the next four hours? So it's been tough this time around, though, I haven't really been showing much interest. I feel like, you know, the threat of COVID getting a bit more serious and suddenly, having a strange pest in your house doesn't really seem kind of overwhelming, and, you know, anxiety inducing, it seems kind of dangerous and risky. Stupid. Yeah. So I have a browse every night, it's probably about the time when my shows wrap up. So like post Big Brother, post martyr chef, you know, TV shows it kind of winding down, take talks being boring, and then I hop on the apps and see who's out there. But I think my hinge now says like, if you want to see more men, you have to widen your parameters. Yeah. Because I do have a few deal breakers in there. Tell me about them. Well, obviously, I'm a tall girl. As you know, I'm 510. So when I wear heels, I'm probably like 661 depending on the hill. So I need a toll boy and not because I'm only attracted to 12 boys but because I am a toll girl.

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Like very tall girl and you want to feel like cute and like you know looked after all that someone can handle you like a lot just in general but physically I'm also a lot

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so they have to be at least six to which I've discovered recently is like really cutting out a lot of guys there's no toll man and Melvin well there are but I've already been with them and they aren't that great yeah look it's tough so sick so my to do so you can have like a bunch of you want any apps? No, no, we'll be changing that.

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So you have a bunch of parameters or things you're looking for but you can only choose a couple to be deal breakers I think so my to do brackets have to be at least six to and they can't be a smoker. Because I just think that's just so gross. In my case marks. Yep. And I tried getting rid of that because again, I thought that felt a little bit.

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I don't want to feel like I'm being precious all that I'm asking for too much. And so I took that off and end up having a date with a guy who smoked and it just knocked you off so badly.

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Like he left the dinner table like three times to have a cigarette you there Yeah. Well came back stinking of smoke like pretty cigarettes like down on the table it was just the whole thing was I didn't want to like kiss the guy like gross Yeah, no what is it that you do want and again I was reading your blog last night. Oh you read it I read it whether you read it and I have those questions. I want to know what your ideal penguin is my penguin that was like me taking the pace because you know how painful I loved up and they like upload cutesy couple photos like my penguin because penguins might fly FYI she didn't know that. Um, I think I'm gonna use it's really change. It's funny because I am. I say these guys on dating apps now that two three years ago, I would have gone bananas for like, I think a couple years ago I was really into the bad boy I wanted you know, I love tats, like you know, the more tattoos the better if he was on a bike amazing. Just described my ideal guy. Really? Yeah. I happen to know a guy that fits that description.

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Yeah, so a while ago, it was just I think it was more about just if they were beautiful if they were hot if they you know if they if I wanted to jump their bones just from a photo and then since getting a bit older and wiser and dating a lot of those guys who ended up being absolute douchebags, and you know, I'm 33 in October, I think I'm really looking for stuff like guys that are family driven, that are close to their family, but also want family who are just driven in general and that Korea who have goals and a job would be great likes to travel is sort of interested in exploring the world. Mm hmm. I went on a date with a guy who's from Manchester not here you probably all thinking I'm talking about

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and he took him to Mr. Miyagi when my favourite restaurants which is a Japanese restaurant, I was like, Oh, do you want to order German order? I've been in quite a few times. I know what the best things is like, Oh, you can order so did a bunch of stuff and it arrived and it came. It came out and he was looking at it like very confused and a little bit

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scared. I was like what's going on? So I've actually never had sushi before.

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But I was like, What? What do you what do you mean? Like, I think? I think it's probably like 2829 he was the same age as me. I was like, how have you gotten to nearly 30 years old? I've not tried sushi before, especially being from England. And like, he's always he travelled like he's coming from England to Australia. He's like, I don't know, we just had Matan to vege growing up and I just, you know, it was just a part of my diet. So I just, you know, never sort of gave it a go. That was so off sudden, I know, I just found that really off putting. Yeah, fair enough. Like I think I really like a guy that like, I love a guy that would just like yell at anything and everything and I have no intolerances and just Oh, big table. Yeah. Or like, oh, you're full already. All that yours too. And like, I know, I just find that I find a healthy appetite. Really?

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I don't know why. Like if they just never if they're like a bottomless pit. I'm like, Yeah, like wonder if that goes back to that whole caveman. Kind of, I don't know. I mean, a lot of my ex boyfriends do look like caveman

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Maybe, maybe, maybe you got something there. Alright, so healthy appetite. Yep, not so much to us now that's not a prereq or

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look, I'd be lying if I didn't say that. I've been with some tattoo paper recently. So that's one of the questions that actually came through. What I noticed quite a bit. What are you talking about? rumour mill has it you've been spotted around South Yarra we've Kiran have I yeah, that's currently Who said that? Where's that come from? come from a couple of people so as close to someone it's it was on your in your dams. Kara is a good guy. Karen's a friend of mine, anything else?

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He's also from Manchester, but not the guy was talking about Look, he moved to Melbourne from Darwin, beginning of this year, and I felt for him. You know, I'm someone who's moved in this day and didn't really know anyone and I'm not gonna lie. I definitely slid into his dance I actually said into stms months before we started talking. I watched him on and you say some of the bachelorette. I thought he was

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Really sweet. He wasn't my type. I thought it was a bit much at first. All the colourful

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suits in and you know, I think the first episode The very first night he sort of like tweaked and Angie's face and I was a bit like a bit much but it definitely grew on you. He grew on me he grew on the rest of Australia. So I know I'm gonna learn in that guy's I said into his dams, but he would have had so many dams. Yeah. And I never heard back from him. So point I know, right? I'm used to hearing back like, I haven't Bluetooth guys, like usually if I slide on in, I at least get a response. And then yeah, I saw that he'd moved to Melbourne, January or something early this year. And I just reached out and said, Hey, I know I say you're in town now.

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If you ever wanted to a guy like that, we know I moved to Melbourne a couple years back I knew nobody and it was kind of lonely. So I think you've got friends here but if you don't let me know.

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And he was really sweet. It's like oh, that's really nice. Like I really don't know anyone but like sort of team who obviously wasn't on the show that he was living with, and was like, let's go out yet for a drink.

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I know you know a couple of really great places. So he went out for a drink. And at first it was super chummy. Like we were just mates. He was talking about girls. He'd been saying I was talking to him about my bad dates I'd been on. And we just got really bruised and kind of did a pub crawl up chapel straight. And before you know it, yeah, I don't know what happened through me. Are there any other Australian celebs that you might have dated in the past? Can you reveal any Australian celebs? I mean, define dating? Like I feel like in 2020 you know, it's very rare that you sort of get to the point of boyfriend girlfriend with someone. So I call dating when you're seeing someone semi regularly, you're going for Dinas, you're having drinks. Probably sleeping together. Like in my in my head that's dating. Yeah, but then other people will say that unless you're sort of boyfriend girlfriend. You can't really say that you're dating. Yeah, but I feel like saying you're dating someone. If that's what you're doing is much nicer to me like oh,

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We occasionally get dinner and fuck like that's not doesn't really sum it up you just kind of yeah that's like a one night stand kinda like that to me so I often I would describe dating as like someone that I'm seeing getting there pretty regularly but it doesn't go anywhere super serious. Like Karen and I were dating really

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got the exclusive

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Yeah, Karen I yeah, I don't know if he'll say that. But he also is a commitment phobe so when you're hanging out for like months at a time and this ain't your house you go away you know together for the weekend. You meet their friends, I met your friends. I mean, in my head that's dating. A question that came through is how do you deal with saying it exes thing with other people? It's one thing when you've got an ex who nobody knows and you watch them move on in your own private you know, space, you know, on your Instagram feed or on your Facebook. That's one thing. But I remember when drew met his one of his girlfriends, which was the first person he met after me.

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And I said to him, I was like, can you

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Just do me a favour and can you just let me know? If and when you meet someone I want to hear from your mouth. I don't want to read it in the paper. I don't want to read it on Daily Mail. I don't want someone else to message me and say, Oh, I saw drew out on the weekend and he was kissing this person. I'm like, Can you just do me a favour? We're still we're still on good terms. Give me a heads up like Yeah, yeah, of course. Sure. And then I never forget I was driving. I was in Poland. I so I was still in Sydney. Or I was home visiting. And I was driving in bond dye. And someone sent me a screengrab from his Instagram and it was a photo of him kissing this girl at a club. And the caption was something like love you or something. And I was like, What the fuck? I'm going to have to pull power up because I felt so I couldn't see straight I thought I was going to vomit. And I was like, oh my god. Oh my god, I can't believe you've done this to my comments. I'm finding out so yeah, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard to especially because with him, especially because PayPal was so and are still so invested in our relationship and so

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You know, I know that his new girlfriend was copying a lot of shit people saying, you know, you're a poor man's holy, you're like, you're never going to be, you know, your relationships are gonna be the same as theirs. And she was trolled quite heavily, which also, you know, I'm not about it isn't right. And people messaging me being like, oh, how do you feel? And you know, and that's sort of continued on it's, I think it always sucks to say someone that you love move on. Do you think that your influence unfollowing makes you happy? I think, you know, you've just touched on, that you receive things that you don't, you know, might not want to know about or talk about. Do you think that generally, the sentiment is that it you know, it creates a happy environment for you, oh, my job is influenced that doesn't necessarily make me happy in that I don't feel feel 100% fulfilled in that as as my only job. You know, that's why I'm so interested in doing stuff like the podcast, that's why I'm so keen to keep writing. That stuff makes me feel fulfilled. That stuff makes me feel happy. It makes me feel like

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I'm contributing or I, you know, I feel challenged and I feel inspired the influence of stuff. I mean, you have to remember as well Jess, it's been seven years of me doing the influencer stuff. You know, I've been around longer than most influences.

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And it just, I don't think that on its own makes me feel happy. I think combined with everything else I'm doing absolutely. You know, especially on days where it's funny, it feels like they're all kind of extended friends and family because, you know, I recently celebrated celebrated I mean, I'm celebrating, I recently had the anniversary of my mom's death,

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which was, you know, a rough day obviously. And I had so many So, so many beautiful messages, DMS comments, saying that you know, even ones that before I'd even sort of done a post talking about it, they just knew it was the anniversary

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and that is really special. I think that's a really special thing to have and I'm so grateful I'm so I'm so appreciative of all those people.

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People that send me messages. And they're they're definitely people that have been with me since day one. Like, I recognise that usernames, you know, you scroll up in the dams I've been chatting over the years. Yeah. So that's what makes me happy for sure. How do you feel about your?

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In the past you've spoken about anxiety and mental health and that type of thing. How do you think having a following such as yours feeds into that and then had How would you deal with it on a daily basis? In the old days when I just had a private Instagram account with like, I don't even know like 100 followers who all my friends, I wouldn't think twice about putting up a photo or a video or whatever. And now it's like, you know, if I ever record an Instagram story where I'm talking to camera, you best believe that is like my 50th tight. Like, it's so stressful. You think? Okay, cool. So, possibly 200 and something thousand people might say this, like, that's a lot of pressure to put on anybody.

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You know, when I share stuff when I'm sharing emotional stuff when I'm having a bad day when I write something, you know, because when I write some

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I put so much of my heart and soul into it to then share that to 200 and something thousand people you like fuck What if they weren't like it and we know I just put a bit of my soul out into the internet for them to do whatever the fuck they want to do with it and there are some really awful people out there you know it's I just said before that I love my followers and I have such as I have a really beautiful community in my my dams but there will also those people that I've gotten, you know, my block list is forever long, like we can be sitting here scrolling forever. Some of them yeah, so it's it's tough. It definitely feeds into my anxiety. It definitely makes me second guess myself. I think especially with stuff like editing photos.

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You know, there's certain standards that you feel you have to live up to and if you take a photo and it doesn't look like up to that standard, you just don't share it or I you know, I edit it so much that I'm barely recognisable because I feel like that's what I have to do to keep up with everybody else around me.

20:53
Yeah, I would definitely say that my job is not graduated with anxiety, no way. So one of the biggest

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themes that came through on your day EMS was how to actually deal with it.

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Do you have a morning routine? It's funny because I've had generalised anxiety literally my whole life. I mean, when I was little, I was like five years old and we just call it like, I was a worrywart. And it was a little silly things like I was convinced that there was snakes in my garden and all these ridiculous I had shocks in my pool. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I think you sent my dad go out every night before bed and make him go out to the garden. And we had a massive garden. Yeah. And I made him walk around the perimeter of the garden with a stick hitting, checking for snacks. And I wouldn't go to bed until he done that. And then growing up it gets sort of worse and as you become an adult, you kind of like what is this? Like, what what is this about? Can I can I can I take something for it? I do something for it. And for so many years, you know various people and doctors were like, you should try exercising and I was like, Fuck, no, like, I don't want to exercise. I hate exercise. I've been pretty blessed with my body shape my whole life. My parents both

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Tolan long and lanky so I've just naturally been told long and lanky, despite my horrendous diet. And I was like not like I'm the girl that had a permission slip every single pay prac lesson to not participate. Right? Like I would just if my parents didn't want me when I just ride by myself and forward like this, like Telly companies might die because of her asthma. tele woke up this morning with a headache and can't dissipate and today's swimming lesson.

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So for years HIPAA will let you should really exercise exercise is great for anxiety. I was like that just sounds like a lot of fucking hard work. Hey, like can I just can't be bothered.

22:34
I'm even in big brother. I remember going to see big brother I've been I was just so anxious.

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I think because I knew I was making a monumental mistake.

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And the big brother voice would be like, you know, have you tried we had like a tiny shitty gym and a pool. He couldn't do laps in the pool.

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And he would be like, have you tried exercise today and I'd be sitting there going.

22:57
Ah, well, I'm not going to go on the treadmill.

23:00
That's not going to help.

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And it wasn't until I got out of the house, and my anxiety was pretty bad. And I was kind of at a bit of a loss. I just thought, fuck, you know, it can't hurt might help. And I started doing reformer polities and that truly changed my life. And so since then exercise has been a really important part of my

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anxiety

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in our treatment plan maybe. So yeah, definitely recommend exercising I prefer working out in the morning just because it feels a get you up and out of bed and be economix you feel like you've kind of already like owned the day. Like if you get up early and you've trained and you've already finished exercise and it's eight o'clock you're like, I'm fucking nailing this, like, I've got this for this. Whereas if you do it in the afternoon or at night, it kind of starts to feel like a chore or something else on your to do list that you have to sort of eventually get through. So I train in the mornings.

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Reading reading definitely helped calm me down like taking my eyes off the screen. I know you know, it's hard these days because we're so on our phones and our computers.

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But actually taking my eyes and people like, oh, Kindles great. I prefer a book because it Kindle still screen. I kind of get what you say about like, Oh, it's backlit and this feels like no, it's still a screen.

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So reading going for a walk in nature.

24:15
And then I also really got into meditating, which is something that I never thought I would be able to master just because of my brain being an absolute hurricane, but I went and had a guided meditation class twice a week for a month. And after that I was able to do it on my own and I do that every night before bed, which also helps, alright, slight change of pace. You've been posting a lot about KFC.

24:41
Embarrassing, someone hasn't. That's that's noticeable. cheat. Someone wants to know our order is this is what I was done for 45 I was an F 35 ambassador and I got a call one day saying that me posting about having like a family size pizza or like a burger every week is not a 45 lifestyle.

25:00
approved. So, either I stopped posting or I fuck off and I was like catcher.

25:05
Okay, so the reason I've been posting about KFC so much recently is because my best friend Andrew. Hey, babe. I

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really I know that sounds silly knowing my fostered habits, but I had never had a zig zag before. Are you a popcorn chicken gal? I am. Yeah. So you just get me? How can she can go out with barbecue sauce? Or a twister original twist? Oh, I don't know. I don't tend to like spicy foods. And I think that I just assumed because it's called zinger that it would be super hot. It's not at all. Really? No, it's not at all spicy. I don't think I've had one either, because I think I just go for the chips and popcorn. Okay, so we're obviously getting vegan burgers in here next time we chat but I am. Yeah. So I've never had them before. So we were coming back from somewhere in the car and he was just, he couldn't think of anything else but his new burger. And he's like, dead set. Like put it into your phone find the nearest KFC. Okay, yeah, I'm doing it quickly. Sorry, sorry. It's like I just that's all I want. It's like hey,

26:00
yeah cool I'm like this magazine is like not I don't want macros I want a zinger burger

26:03
and I eventually had the courage to me Wow and I was like I actually never had a single burger he's like what I was like I haven't I just had one he's like well obviously we're gonna using a Becca and yeah he created a monster so I have been now ordering myself seeing a bug is when I'm a little bit hung which you know, I was quite often a question for you that came through mm hmm

26:27
what's it like living life as a solid 10 nice

26:31
I mean and this is coming from a solid five to six. First of all, you know what to five to six I think I responded to that with like a really ugly photo of me in bed hungry but I was like smudged makeup on my face like where am I at on the scale? Kobe you're like come on in buddy. Have funny on my beds, empty steel if I'm a 10

26:50
I say I think I'm a strong seven. Interesting. I think I'm a strong seven and then if I get professional hair and makeup which I often get to do with my job I can be

27:00
Like a good eight, some of you, but I think our brains make us like more of a nine or a 10. Okay, like I think that it's hard to find someone who's like above a five but is also like a good person. Yeah, like usually you're either hot or you're like honey could you make funny or smart? Like it's really hard to find someone that's like hot finance. There are layers of it's like a hot crazy scale. Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking Hi Matt. Hi, guys. I want to unicorn obviously unicorns when you're 10 when you're high hot, but lo crazy. They don't exist. I'd much rather be complimented on my brain. And my I don't know my writing then my face. But when I like you know what the article I wrote that you read, I lots of lovely people DM me and say that they'd read it and they really loved my writing or you know, it was really relatable what I thought was really funny. That means so much more to me than being a 10 year or shrunk seven. Thanks for that rod. thinks it was a rod. It was wrong. Thanks. Thanks for rod

28:00
To choose to run something I'd really like to know about you've made this question I've haven't you just made this is

28:06
Sorry, no, it is on my list because it's what it's my question if I had to respond to to your q&a, okay, why didn't you follow me?

28:15
I have a look at my Instagram Don't follow me. Just so quick. No, it's not I do follow you. You're always nuts right? I'm sure you do you have to do.

28:25
You and me baby every way. Together forever. Amen. Passion books, sisters for life. Shall we move so we'll move on to the proper potete Prosecco after this. Okay. All right, actually on that. What is your favourite drink? Oh, what's good one? Okay, so I'm renowned for so I'll always have a glass of champagne. When I get to a restaurant. I love champagne love bit of bubbles. My ex girlfriend Talia used to joke that she could tell how drunk I was. She could tell how many glasses of champagne I had by how high and nicely my voice was like a cola for a potty and be like

28:58
you've had two bottles of champagne.

29:00
No, three, seven.

29:03
But when it comes to almost a lover as a chemist or wine lover rosae and cocktail wise, I've always been a fan of sours. I used to love Mr. mrsl or whiskey sour but lately in ICER my housemate paida has been making Negroni we haven't grown at our at our house. I love her. Yeah, I feel like it puts kind of has new chest kind of kind of hates, like warms you up from the inside out and you have a sip and you feel it sort of start in your chest and sort of expand its way down. Yeah, yeah. And they look really sexy. Like, even really nice show. You know you're doing if you're drinking a gurney I also think I'm not gonna lie. I think on first dates. If people don't agree to you guys. I was like, Oh, okay. All right. If you were on a gurney an old fashioned or Manhattan ladies.

29:47
There'll be impressed. I'll take now I need to like I mean, I can't really meant to you and died in Canada, because I'm clearly not doing very good at it. Well, that's funny, because that was my next question for you. What was it so I've recently turned 30 Welcome.

30:00
Come to the club. Did you lose your mind as well as I did? Right? Did you realise did did you seriously quit my job at the start of the year? I had an actual mental breakdown. Actual Tell me about it. I just lost my mind. Like I think that 20 even just 29 like leading up to 30 I just thought this you know, mounting pressure and I know that it's it's a thing with females. It's so it sucks. It's not fair. But I was feeling this mounting pressure. As soon as I hit 29 basically 29 for those next 12 months, I was the same every month. I was like, okay, Fuck, what am I doing? What am I doing? I have no savings. My car's a piece of shit. I'm renting. I'm single still. I wasn't in a job that I was passionate about. I was living with a terrible this awful housemate. I didn't really feel like I had much to show for 29 years or 30 years of living. And then I happened to meet a guy

30:51
a few months before my 30th and I was head over heels for him. I was obsessed with him. I was like this is amazing. My life turning around. I've got this great guy like

31:00
You know, I was so silly, but I always planned to have this sort of really big, lovely sit down lunch at a winery if my idea and just the thought of having him sit next to me at that lunch for me feel instantly better about everything, but I just felt instantly karma. I was really excited.

31:18
And it's dumb because it's placing so much importance on having a male in your life or a romantic partner when it's really doesn't mean shit. And I've know that now. Now that I'm 33 almost 33 I don't know, I kind of like gave my years away. Myself 33 and what they say till October, but um, I don't feel that way at all now, but back then, knowing or thinking that you're gonna be sitting next to me at that lunch table. I just felt like I was killing it live.

31:43
And then of course, he broke up with me literally like a week or two before my birthday. Yeah. And then I really lost it. I just lost it. I went a little bit nuts like I just, I just went completely bonkers. I my anxiety was really, really bad.

32:00
I was eating, I wasn't sleeping. I was withdrawing from my friend. I didn't wanna see anyone. I felt like no one else got it. I went to a really weird place. What do you think the pressure was? Because I know, from my experience and my friends experience, I think it comes down to not having a man and then be that fertility. Yeah, sure. But definitely, yeah, for sure. I definitely want kids. That's something that's very, very important to me.

32:26
I've, you know, I've always loved kids, I've always had kids in my life. And it's always I just feel it in my bones that that I that I need and want to be a mom.

32:35
And that's definitely I you know, I'd be lying if I said that. That wasn't part of it. And unfortunately, you know, that's what happens with women in society. You know, you're told it's drilled into you from a very young age, even when you're reading Dali magazine that you know, from 30 you know, after that your eggs like basically dying every day. And if you don't, you know, fertilise them quickly. And I think being single, you know, I've been single now for six years, officially, you know, we've had those guys that I've dated, we've talked about before, we

33:00
date someone for a couple of months, but nothing, you know, no one's like I'm to dad.

33:04
So for sure, I definitely had a partner. And I don't know if you've got the same situation, but nearly all of my friends are in long term relationships

33:14
with them or they're engaged or they're already married already, you know, having kids and so you kind of just feel like the last sort of bruised banana left on the shelf a bit. Yeah. See, my friends. A half of my friends is still in Bendigo on the second child, which is so scary. Mm hmm. The other half are still single getting drunk every weekend, leaving like doing well in their career. Yeah, I'd say I'm generalising a little bit there. But I think that's the focus, particularly for me as well, but you How are you dealing with it? Well, again, as I said before, like it's funny because I really lost my mind. I felt really

33:48
hopeless about it. I felt really overwhelmed and really pressured 30 and probably for the rest of my you being 30 and then now I'm just like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, like I just don't care like, you know,

34:00
If you go into a date and you're in your head, you're like, you know if this isn't my husband or this is my baby daddy, then Fuck it. You're gonna shoot yourself in the foot and you're gonna you're not going to give that person your true self. Yeah. So I've just stopped caring. Like if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't it doesn't.

34:16
A question that actually came through is would you have a baby by yourself? Yeah, it's funny, I think because I'm now in my 30s. And I think a lot of my follow is aryna 30s, as well. I had quite a few baby fertility questions come through which I haven't had it in the past.

34:33
I actually funnily enough, I was in Sydney a couple of weeks ago, we probably even a month ago now before the lockdown saying my family and I had dinner with my very good friend James who is 35 and single. And we would kind of joking about co parenting a baby. It was a joke where he you know, it was over dinner with a few wines, and we're just joking about how it would work.

34:54
But actually walked away from that chat being like, I actually probably would do that with him. Like I think I'd have to be very

35:00
particular person, I'm not sure if I would do it on my own as in get a sperm donor and do it completely on my own. I think if I was going to do it on my own, I would do it with a friend who I'm not romantically involved in who's been in my life for you know, many years. Who's you know, who I love who's got a good heart and great values? Good family.

35:20
I definitely do that. And I never thought I would say that until we were joking about it. And then I went home and I found myself constantly thinking about and I was like,

35:28
actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm also thinking about freezing my eggs. Okay. Um, my housemate has already done that. She's a bit older than me. And she's like, just do it. Like it's so easy peasy. It's, you know, I think you're, I think a lot of people get a bit confused with IVF and freezing your eggs. My misconception would be that you'd have to have the sperm and it would be fertilised egg. No, I mean, I understand that but I think we normally knows how what what is Yeah, they sitting on a bag of ice is a cry.

36:00
Whereas I also think that, um, I've heard rumours that it's very expensive. And then like, is it a good insurance policy is better be safe than sorry. So that's something that I'm currently sort of looking into, you know what the process is? No. So I actually had a company reach out to me about a year ago and ask if I'd want to collaborate. Really? Yeah. And it's funny because at the time, my manager Jen emailed me and said, haha, like he's a funny one fee Monday morning, and you're like, no, this is no, I actually posted it here. The best. No, I was really upset. This is a year ago. Yeah. Um, she's a bit younger than me. And like, bless her. I think she's along with most of my friends and family. They're like, Oh, tell you meet someone. Like Don't be silly. Like, why would you even say to that, like, like, you know, it's any day now. I'm like, Well, guys, it's been six years. So, you know, statistically, statistically, it might not happen for me.

36:52
And so she thought was like hilarious, like, this crazy email, but I actually got it. I was like, Oh my god, like, is this something that I actually have to be considered?

37:00
Fuck, like, This team has sat down during a brainstorm. And my name has come up, because I'm single and I have been for a while and it's like, Fuck, if they're thinking that I need to consider it, maybe I need to be thinking I need to consider and it's obviously a very personal journey and not one that I'm sure is appropriate to be sharing like that. That was my initial

37:26
hesitations is that this is such a personal thing, such a personal journey. Do I want to be sharing that with 200 and something thousand people, but then outside of me is like, there probably is a fuckload of people that would be interested in that. And I think you know, even my sister in law, I call it that they're not married you hurry up, Scott. My sister in law has

37:45
Polycystic

37:47
dementia so sorry. And she's had all these operations for that and she's really struggling with endometriosis. And she was like, you know, I'd be really interested in seeing how that went down and, and what was required and that whole experience because it's something else

38:00
We're gonna have to consider with her. So it's not just, you know, sad, lonely spinsters that want a baby but a single it's people that have got stuff like intimate shooters, people that have other fertility issues. Yeah. So that's definitely something that's sort of possibly on the horizons. I think that's really exciting. Because I think if you weren't thinking about it, a lot of other other people aren't thinking about it. Yep. And putting that in, you know, front of mind for the likes of me and my friends. You're following? Yeah, that's probably it's like it's a really big key challenge, isn't it? Like, I don't know how I like I posted a thing yesterday about you know, dating and if so, how do I jump from that to like, no one the most serious? No, I did. I like I feel the easter egg. Yeah, it's a bit of a it's in the same in the same way that I feel funny sometimes when I buy stuff about my mom and dementia, because it's like, wait, the price before that is like me at a party. And then it's like, anyway, back to this serious stuff. Yeah. That's always been a bit of a balancing act. I think what did your dad say about you and your social media dad is so funny. I like it.

39:00
People often and I often feel bad when especially when I post those bikini shots I can like I'm certainly getting my two younger brothers, Scott and Tom. And I'm like, are they gonna

39:10
tally again and eyebrow? I've told them to meet me, but I know they haven't because at the end of the day, they're my brothers and I want to support me and be across what I'm up to. My dad is actually so supportive of anything I do. Like I truly believe I would never do that where I truly believe I could call him and say, Look, dad, so obviously with COVID and stuff, well, it's been pretty slow. So I've created not only fans,

39:34
don't worry, it's just gonna be you know, just just the nipples like Justin. I reckon honestly, he'd be like, you know, well, pumpkin. If that's what you want to do that I support you wholeheartedly. I truly think he wouldn't care. I'm in the back when you could still see the number of your followers. This is how long I've been doing influencing porn. Back when I first started, you could still you can see your exact number of followers on your actual account. Like now it is rounded up. It'd be like, you know, you've got

40:00
10 point 5000 followers that back in the good old days, you would say your exact number. And dad was like he had some like Excel spreadsheet. And it was like, and he was keeping like daily tracks and my numbers like literally daily. He recorded daily my numbers. I remember at one point, I think probably when drew and I broke up and half of my followers left because they're like, oh, what normal couple shots of Drew, I'm out of here.

40:26
I started losing followers for the first time. And dad messaged me and he's like pumpkin.

40:31
You know, that last photo of you and it became did really well. I think it's time I think he found the bikini shot. And I was like, What do you mean? He's like, well, they seem to be you know, that's what gets you the numbers. So I think you should go in and whip up a bikini like oh my god, Dad, what are you actually telling me to put on bikini shots? My amazing. Yeah, he's so supportive. He says what you're setting your content pillars. He literally was everything another time. He was like, I think he said, We need more puppies. I think I had a photo of me with a puppy. And it performed really well and he's like, we need to find

41:00
More puppies of you to shoot with.

41:02
Dad. Thanks, dad. He's the best. He's the best. He's one of one hot girl. He's like Kris Jenner in the corner. Yeah, I think in terms of your brothers and whatnot, it would be hard for them to say.

41:12
But that's been the case are hot like Scott, especially Scott and I, Scott and I are only 14 months apart. So we're only I'm 3032. And he's 31. And, and so growing up in high school and stuff, we obviously are friends, we hung out the same party goes and parties. And his friends would be like, Oh, he's such as a whole. And my friend said the same thing. My best friend Sophie, one day was really drunk on a few of these bottles. People don't show up and called me to party was like, I need to tell you something. And I was like, what she's like, I've got a crush on your brother. I was like, Oh, no, you don't. You're just wrong. She's like, nice. So he's good looking at stuff.

41:51
That's so funny. Have you really? Yeah, just new features and sounds so funny. They're both good looking boys. Unfortunately, no. Fortunately, both taken

42:00
That's not to say after Big Brother I didn't reap the rewards of my popularity. Absolutely say that. Let's just say that will happen with Talia after the show.

42:10
Um, wasn't great for a while there was it? Um, we Yeah, she I mean, I called her 17 times and I was evicted. Even though my best friend said, she's told us Do not call her she's not gonna pick up like they've got to try.

42:24
It was it was tough. It was really tough. I had to, like crawl my way back.

42:30
I basically At first, I went through different stages, probably like seven stages of grieving I at first was really set on making her understand. I wanted her to understand what it was like in there. And very quickly, I realised that there's no way I could do that. Yeah, like, you know, smfs conversations I would try and like set the scene for her. I try and describe to her a day or try and make currency from my point of view, and then I realised that's not going to work because it's so alien. It's so bizarre and it's so such a unique experience.

43:00
Unless you went in there with me, you're not going to understand.

43:03
So then once I realised that I was like, You know what, I'm just gonna apologise, because that's all I can do is I can't give her an explanation. There's no excuse for it. All I can do is just say how sorry I am. And that's what I did. And she is such an amazing person. And she's so wise beyond her years. And she was like, eventually it took a while, like, I think people think, you know, they saw what happened, and they saw us how close we are now on social media. And they think, oh, how the hell did you guys get from A to B? There was a good period there like I think, five and a half, six months where we didn't speak Yeah. There was a lot of rebuilding, a lot of rebuilding behind closed doors, a lot of conversations, a lot of slow rebuilding of trust.

43:44
But eventually, Talia just realised that it was harder for her and it caused her more pain

43:51
to carry around that hate and resentment,

43:55
that she was finding that harder than she found to forgive me. So as soon as

44:00
She forgave me. She was like, wait, I've not been so forgiving with myself.

44:06
I'm still that's still something that I sort of am working on. But yeah, she literally was like, Nah, man, it's all good. suape and we're like so tight now like she was in Bali for my 30th with her ex partner. She was here no but recently and she said at my house and we went out drinking with my friends and yeah, it was so Thai it's it's we were more like siblings now than anything else. I I look at her and I'm like, how even like what In what world? Would we have worked a long time like what we think it was so different way you can Yang but um, she's the best. I'm very, very lucky to have her my lifestyle. One of the questions that came through actually came through quite a few times was around your sexuality. Where do you stand now? Yeah, look, I am. I haven't classified myself as queer for a few years now. I haven't dated or been with women since Big Brother. Huh?

45:00
So since Talia so that was 2013

45:04
I don't. It's so bizarre and it's it's almost like I went into that house as one person came out someone else and I don't know how that works. I don't know if that's physically possible and like, What on earth happened in that house that completely changed my sexuality? I do not understand bonds. Yeah, for sure. I mean Trey's beautiful. He's a beautiful guy, and he's a bit he's a beautiful guy. He's great. But so salia like, you know, it's, I don't know, I think I try. I was trying to figure it out. I was saying, different psychologists and I was speaking to people about it. And then eventually, I just kind of thought doesn't matter. Like, who cares what happened? Yeah. Like, no one's asking you to define yourself, like who gives a shit? Obviously, I understand there's still interest in it. And I still have quite a big lgbtqi community following me, which I'm so thankful for. And I will always be queer at heart like, I'm obviously an ally. I feel like a more than an ally, but you can kind of have like, what

46:00
foot in the door, one foot out of the door. I don't want to I also want to say that I identify as hetero and then three years from now fall in love with a female again, we just don't know what's gonna happen in this world. Like you just don't know. Do you feel as though society puts too many parameters around these things? Sure. I feel like you know, I it really, it was a really stressful time for me after the show, trying to figure out who I was. And I had such a strong tie to the lesbian community in New Town in Sydney, where I lived, you know, we lived in Newtown around the corner from the courthouse, which is a you know, a really huge LD job at a pub. My one of my best friends ran the biggest lesbian nights in Sydney, my ex girlfriend, Talia was a DJ that was a promoter, like, I was very much in the middle of this lesbian community. All my friends, all my best friends in Sydney, were gay, lesbian,

46:49
and then suddenly to come out of that experience, and then suddenly feel like I didn't fit with them. Like that was really really hard. I was like, who the? Who the fuck am I if I'm not one of them, like where do I

47:00
I'm not unlike it was it was tough because they didn't really want to hear about jewellery they didn't really want to hear about my relationship with with my boyfriend, ex boyfriend.

47:10
So I was like, wait, okay, so I don't fit over there. But I also don't feel like I fit over here with the straight people. It's like, Where the fuck do I go? And so that was a really stressful time and I felt really lost and

47:23
not just lost like your, your sexual sexuality is such a huge part of your identity. And when you lose that, or you think you've lost that or that, that changes overnight for you. You're like, who will then Who the fuck am I? Yeah.

47:37
And so for a long time, I was trying to figure that out. I wanted to say that I was bi or that I was gay or that I was straight. I wanted to have a label. I wanted to really not nice, neat little label to put in my forehead. Because I'm a retentive, I'm an A type personality. I wanted to fit in a box. So many of the community like I don't want to box I don't want to label I wanted to label I just didn't know what fucking label it was. Yeah. And so I was speaking to so many people about it and they were like

48:00
But you know, eventually someone was like, why does it matter? Like, why are you trying so hard to figure this out? I was like, Oh, I guess it mattered to me. But when I realised that it didn't matter to the people that loved me, I just stopped thinking about it.

48:13
So I don't identify as as queer anymore in saying that the world is a weird and wonderful place. And I would never discount. You know, I've always fallen for the person, not the sexuality. It just so happens I don't apparently find, you know, women sexually active anymore, but who fucking knows what's going to happen? Yeah, it's 2020 we're in a pandemic, like, who knows that happen? Anything could happen. Anything could happen. You could go have a baby. I could have a baby with it get sure like what? Sure. I mean, I would have loved to have a baby with Talia. But you know, it's, it's a little bit harder with a girl. Yeah, for sure. I mean, who knows? But yeah, I don't identify as queer at the moment, but I would also never discount. What would you say to someone who is trying to identify who they are as well.

49:00
Oh my god.

49:03
I had such an easy coming out store. I always feel guilty for how easy I had it. Realising that I was into women.

49:13
I think I think you know, I think you, you, you have this sort of epiphany moment where you figure it out. And then it's kind of like a process of like, how do I go about this? How do I sit with it for a bit? Do I keep it a secret? I think eventually, what I something that sounds so cliche, but something that a saying that I found really helpful and comforting to me at times when I felt really overwhelmed and lost was that the heart wants what the heart wants, like you really can't change that. As much as I remember. Yeah, I remember sitting in my hotel in my dorm room. Sorry, at uni and Baptist, and just wishing and like just, I just really didn't want to be attracted to girls. I was so I was. I was wishing it away. I was like, why like, this is

50:00
I just don't want this like, this is just so hard and I don't want this from it for myself. The end of the day like you, you can't decide who you love, you know, it's something that's out of your control. It's bigger than you.

50:12
And there's no one fighting it because you'll be miserable and you'll be exhausted. So just fucking let you flag for fly. And I think that, you know, the people that mind, Dart Mehta, the people that Mehta don't mind. Yeah. And I think that you'll always have people in your corner. Even if you don't believe like you. You will. I promise you. You will. If they're not your parents, there'll be your cousin, your aunt, your grandparents, your best friend, there will always be someone in your corner, Telly. Jess,

50:44
who clearly had a few blossoms

50:46
out of Prosecco. I know. I told you that two bottles was not enough. And we're out of questions. Oh, really? Yeah, this is the end. I'm really sad because I was having fun and I have so much more to talk about. But I have created an Instagram account at

51:00
Too much Telly and I want to hear from you guys obviously I have so much to talk about so many stories to tell but I want to hear from you guys. What do you want to hear about? Should I talk about anxiety, mental health, love and dating and sex reality TV, let me know sliding into my DMS and until then, you can catch me on all your favourite podcast apps, Apple podcast, Spotify, really anywhere you listen to your podcasts and I will see you next Tuesday.