Dating Apps & Shocking Dates/
- August 18, 2020
Tully chats about the dating apps she uses and their surrounding stigma, Hinge profiles, DMing potential partners on Instagram, dating terminology, and shocking sex and first date stories.
On today’s show:
- Tully’s last boyfriend
- A surprise gift gone wrong
- Dating app stigma
- Hinge questions and profiles
- DMing potential partners on Instagram
- Dating terminology
- Tully’s sex stories
- Shocking first date stories
This podcast is produced by BIG MEDIA COMPANY.
Hello and welcome to Episode Five of too much Tally. We have Jesse my producer Hey Jess. Hello, Telly.
You're wearing Kala I'm so proud
of you. I did it for you and I'm really bright is it? Well, it's bright for me. This is literally probably the worst colour I have in my wardrobe. It looks like dark brown from me, but I'll take your word for it. What drinks Do we have this morning? We again separated by screen. It's so sad.
I have a beer this morning. How do you feel about that?
Breakfast the love of breakfast. Breakfast bees in the shower especially. I have once again gone for bed and hand guys. I'm waiting still here. But I've put a dash of orange juice in it to make it breakfast appropriate. So it's been myself.
Did you get a little bit tipsy on last week's episode? Oh,
well, just funny should ask that. I think I forgot that you weren't here with me sharing the bottle. Mm hmm. So rather than like us going glass to glass, I just kept going gloss for myself. And I may have finished the bottle of a bed and habit. It was a two hour recording. You did so well. It was confusing and gloss houses throwing stones. Anyway, let's go back to today's episode because it's a fun one. I'm so excited. We're talking about dating. So excited. Obviously, you and I both single my birth kind of trying to put ourselves out there in the middle of a pandemic, which is tricky, but we're doing it anyway, we are going to talk a little bit about relationship beliefs and core beliefs and how those affect us in relationships. I'm gonna run through the dating apps that I use what's great about some of them what's not so great about other ones. We're going to talk about Instagram and how I continue to throw myself out there on Instagram and then a bunch of 2020 dating terms because there's so many new ones that I'm just only wrapping my head around now. You told me a few the other day that I had no idea about so I've done some research and I have some new ones for us. Mm hmm. And then finally, I'm open myself up once again and I'm going to share some of my funniest date stories and date files. And then we've got some even funnier ones that have been sent in from You guys at too much tally on Instagram. Big episode Jess. Are you ready? I'm so ready. Let's get started. Let's do it.
giggling Oh, you're already laughing if you're laughing and you're squeaky you're gonna laugh every time good cheer squeaks aren't you? Is it no other chair in your house that we can substitute that squeaky chair for that. I'll see if I can get it. Oh, well. Really professional here at too much Telly. Now put the criticise Okay, it's still probably gonna squeak but it's maybe better. Move around a bit.
Oh, wait, but I kind of like cable.
Jess, hello. How long have you been single full?
That is the golden question. You know, it's funny. I lie sometimes. No, no, I don't like that silly. I don't lie. I dance around giving a certain ad sound and talking to a guy on a dating app because it is a lot time. So look, my last official boyfriend was Drew.
I can tell so long ago back in 2014? Yeah, I've obviously dated guys since then I dated guys for you know, like six months at a time. Three months at a time I've dated guys, you know, kind of semi regularly. Boyfriend serious relationship? Yeah, it's been a long time long time.
Wow. And why do you think that is?
Look, I think there's a few reasons. I think the the reason that sort of, initially, the reason was that I have and this is something that I've worked on with my psychologist and someone that I think is really interesting. I know that we're going to talk about this further down the track on too much Telly. I really want to spend a whole episode on this because I find it so fascinating and so interesting, and it's really changed the way I view myself and relationships. But every single person have these core beliefs that are established with my younger based on our experiences, way we view the world and I apparently After years and years of therapy, one of my core beliefs is that I'm hard to love. Wow. I know our sounds heavy, we will have them. Yeah. Hopefully it could be that you think you're ugly that you're not good enough that you know if people knew the real you, they wouldn't like you all these sort of, they're inherently things. We inherently believe that. Yeah. And yeah, I apparently believe that I'm hard to love. So really let anyone come near me. Yeah, right. But that
doesn't stop you dating does it? And you still put yourself out there? It does not.
And I think so that was sort of one that's one side of it. The other thing I think now that I've been single for so long, I know what I deserve. And I know what I'm looking for. And I'm not prepared to settle for less. And I think you know, I've been in love. I've had successful relationships. I'm now 32. I'm a bit older. I know exactly what I'm looking for in a man and I'm not gonna settle for a fling or like, see how it goes with a guide that I'm not 100% sure on and so I think that means that I am aligned more After the not because I'm not willing to sort of waste my time waste their time with someone that doesn't, you know, drive me in, like, I want something I'm going to be obsessed with someone that I see a future with and so I'm just gonna waste anyone's time if I don't feel that and I guess I haven't felt that.
Yeah, yeah, that's fair enough. I bet you're really? Yeah, I am. I mean, I've been single for eight years, as well. And obviously had the flings in between, but nothing that I'd call a serious relationship. Yeah. And, yeah, same bar. I just cannot be bothered dealing with someone that, you know, I'm not wholeheartedly obsessed with or interested in or, you know, see a future with no, that's silly. No, it's not silly at all. You don't want to think about marriage when you first meet someone, but
no, but I think that No, you're right. And I think that but you are 13 you know, and I think that when you're 24 when you're 25 when you're 26. You know, you have the liberty you have the opportunity to sort of just go with the flow, see where it works, you know, see if it works out, roll with the points. I think that as you get into your 30s, you suddenly go, Well, I don't really want to waste my time doing that. If I'm not madly in love or if I don't see a future with this person. Yeah, I've had friends tell me friends that are in long term relationships Who? I don't know. To me. They don't look super happy. They tell me that that I'm asking for two months that I have my standards are too high that you know, you shouldn't expect fireworks on the initial meeting. And I'm like, No, I'm sorry. I'm not prepared to
to accept that. I'm the same. I'm just not through love out there.
Yeah, I totally great. I'm so glad you brought that up. Just because last time we spoke on this topic, yeah. Look, you you roll your eyes at me. Jessica. Look at me. You had a prospects on the horizon. Now look, I've had a few people messaging to add too much value on Instagram, really wanting to know how this is going. They're just as invested in you and your love life as they invested in me and my love life. Can you give us a Update you're going to be a little bit disappointed but we're still talking and I really really really tried to take up a zoom chat with him before this episode
if it content also to meet him but I am actually even messaged him this morning and said, hey, how busy Are you at work this morning? Allah Do you want to do a zoom in? He didn't do it. So here we are, but I'll try and have an update for next time.
First of all, I love your commitment that you try to organise a zoom at first date before 10am on a Wednesday morning. Like if that's a commitment to the show. I don't know what is for a good cause Tali Did he say that was he like yeah, I can do it this morning. But like let's do it soon. Like was he he actually hasn't even written back so it is LA and you know, he's what you people do have proper jobs just because you and I get to live the life of podcasting doesn't mean people aren't in meetings and stuff. Zoom meetings. This is true.
Yeah, sorry. So yeah, he messaged last night and said he had a really busy day. He's gonna have to do an early stop. Tomorrow is in this morning to finish up some work and
you tried to Wait,
hang on a minute.
So he's told you that he had an early stop with work. And you still tried to orchestrate a zoom first date this morning, knowing full well he had a big morning with work. Yeah, I fucking love you. I honestly fucking love you.
But I'll make it happen. I do want to meet him. I want to chat to him. I still haven't told him about the podcast because, you know, if things don't go well, I don't want him to hear what I have to say about him. Because let's be honest, it's too much Jess as well.
Just by proxy, we've moved off the app, which is I feel like that's a good sign. It is a good sign. I love moving off the app. I feel like the apps are clunky. And I don't know there's just something much nicer about texting someone. Yeah, normally, you can kind of pretend that you didn't mean that. Not that there's anything wrong with being an app. I mean, fuck. I hang out in Apps all the time these days. Speaking of I actually you haven't asked me but I'm having Oh, sorry. Tell me Oh my gosh.
saving this for the show.
So for those that don't know, look, lockdown, round one down here in Melbourne, we're now in lockdown again, stage four. So it's pretty dire times down here just for those who don't know, in lockdown round one, I invested quite a bit of time into the one person. We met on Bumble. He lived up on the Central Coast, which was odd I think all the dating apps kind of change their offering and made it made it so you could talk to people all over the world all over the country. And somehow we happen to match and back then I was like, well doesn't doesn't really matter that you're not in this state because we're all in lockdown. Anyway, so like, Who cares? And I say, you know, I'm from Sydney, originally, my family are up there. So I figured eventually, I can go to see my family and maybe you can come down and we can hang out in Sydney. That was an absolute fucking disaster, which I will talk about later in the show. It was traumatic and it was so traumatic that it gave me PTSD on dating and and dating apps and stuff. I haven't really been on them since not properly anyway. I dabble. You know, like I get online late at night and I have a quick flick and maybe some three words to someone. Not that kind of flick just Jesus Christ. Come on. You've had like three sips of ubia.
But I haven't gotten that situation.
I did. I'm sorry, I really opened up myself for that. I just gave that to you on a platter. So yeah, I haven't really been investing much time or energy into anybody until the other night.
I'm sorry. interested, you have to tell me everything.
So this guy, um, we match the other night. He's 28 he's probably that young if I'm honest.
So I have five years, that's fine.
So my initial parameters and all my learning apps was 28 to 37. Then I found that like, I was mainly getting 37 year olds who looks like my dad was like, Oh, no, no one's cute. So when I put it down to 27, and then all sudden all the hot boys 27 I'm like, Why are the was too young for me.
Anyway, I'm going to read you a little bit of the day
of the scroll just so you're aware if anyone has scrolled pages,
so I, first of all, okay, so I made a joke. So he's like, how's your weekend? And my house, I paid her and I, look, I'll be honest, Peter cooks a lamb shoulder. I sort of hovered over her and ate it. But it was from the cumulus. It's a cumulus ink, slow lamb shoulder recipe from the broadsheet Melbourne cookbook, which is amazing. Highly recommend it. Super easy. You pop it on the morning, you eat at night. Amazing. Nice. Anyway, so I was telling him about what I cooked. And then he was kind of he was joking. So I said, you know, we cook the cumulus ink, slow cook lamb shoulder, what did you do? He goes, Yeah, weirdly. I also cooked this cute ink, slow quarter lamb shoulder broadsheet, obviously, I was like snap okay, because in fact I actually cooked to Kim is Inc slow cooked lamb shoulders from broad shape. I would like to Wow, you must live in a mighty big share house or a ridiculous ridiculous amount of food. And he said it was a small lamb. And I said, Did you also do string beans and mash? Because Yeah, of course, why bother cooking to cumulus Inc slow cooked broadsheet lamb shoulders if you're not going to do the string mints and mash you might as well been the lat I said Did you wash it down with some orange wine as well? And it was a nice try almost got me wine is made from grapes, not oranges. Right cute and I was like, haha, not actually orange one is my new favourite thing. It's delicious. However, it goes down way too quickly. And he goes okay to be serious for a moment. I have heard of orange wine. But to be completely honest, if you'd told me it was made from oranges, I probably would have believed you. Tally is orange wine made from oranges. And then I said no, it's not it's called that because of the colour of the wine should give it a go next time you cook lamb to lamb showed its course. Anyway, long story short, I ended up asking you to dress. Oh God, yeah. Because that's the kind of person that I am. I just live life. On the edge and make grand gestures that's just totally what I want. And just I sent him a bottle of the orange one I was drinking. Oh, you're so nice. Like would it be funny? I know I was like even if we never chat again in a couple of days he'll get that photo and be like fuck that chicks pretty insight and like pretty different, huh? So I want to in this bottle paid quite a bit for like special wine curing because like, you know, wines easily smashed the back of a Australian post truck.
Wait, how much did you spend on this one?
Not it's not expensive bottle of wine but to get one single bottle sent with like Special delivery to make sure it doesn't get smashed. For God that I just do for two minutes. Yeah, that's a grand gesture. I don't know what it is. Anyway, we were speaking really, really funny. I could read you the rest of conversation. It's hilarious, but don't waste our time. For another day, maybe I'll put some screen grabs on the too much telling Instagram. I'll do that. But then yesterday came online and I was excited to see him Actually now that I said that out loud, that's weird. I'm having some realisations live on air. And then he goes, Oh, by the way, like, just in case I just wanted to let you know that that wasn't my real address on No. I was like, wait, what do you mean? He's like, Well, you could be a catfish. Well, I know like, why would I give my real address out to a stranger on the internet? I mean, true. But also, like, what? what normal human being does that kind of gesture four minutes to talk to someone?
You told him that you were gonna send him one. Is that right? Or was it gonna
be hate? Right? He was making note, we were making gags. He was like, cool. Can you send me some one? And I thought, you know, actually, I'm gonna send you some wine. But I didn't actually confirm with him that I was going to do that. We're going to be surprised surprises are the best. Yeah. Oh, that breaks my heart. So now a bottle of really delicious orange wine is coming to a random person's house. In his area, what's his
address? I'm going to forget it.
Honestly, I thought that today I was like, I wonder if the guys would call me to confirm the address and I can actually turn that truck around and bring it To prep. Anyway, so, Jess? Yes, dating apps. Hmm. Now, once upon a time, they came with some pretty negative stigma attached to them, didn't they? They did.
I mean, I feel like they still do have a massively negative stigma, particularly Tinder.
Yeah. I don't go on Tinder. I go on hinge now.
I actually deleted the Tinder app. Yeah, I agree with you that I feel like it's kind of like I was thinking about the other day. When I lived in Sydney. I sort of got the IV. Yeah. Now when the IV first opened, it was amazing. It was like the creme de la creme of like the Sydney like socialites. It was like everyone was hot. Everyone was beautiful. Like, it was really fun, really cool. And then, as it became more more popular, it kind of became like this big cesspit of sweaty human beings. Mm hmm. I feel like when Tinder was the only player in the game, it was the place to pay now there's so many other The dating app options. Tim is like full of just like
the worst of the worst. The dirty, sweaty people. Basically, I my issue with Tinder is that I feel like the last time I went on there, it was just men seeking sex. And that's all it was. And I just, I just don't think that. Yeah, it's a nice, I don't know, that's not where I want to be. I feel like that's why we've kind of transitioned over to the hinge in the Bumbles and that type of
thing. So you think that Tinder is full of mainly of guys just wanting to hook up?
Yeah, guys that are DTF Yeah,
down to exactly what I think. And I don't know if I'm alone in thinking that but that has been my experience on that app. And yeah, I don't know it just doesn't feel nice there anymore.
It's funny because my house my actually my ex boyfriend on plenty of fish like the website like a URL. Yeah. Would you
ever do that? Would you go on sign up to one of those like rsvps or,
okay, so one night, a couple of years back I got very, very drunk. It was Christmas time and you know, obviously Miss times a hard time regardless, for a lot of people, I don't like Christmas time. But there are all these eHarmony ads on TV obviously targeting sad, lonely spinsters, such as myself. And I was like, You know what? Maybe I'll give a how many a try? After answering that 721 question questionnaire. I'm not even exaggerating. There was that many questions to answer? I had a profile passed out woke up had a bunch of creepy dudes sliding on in regretted my decision immediately and deleted my profile and had to I had to email the support guys because they've got this like waiting period you can't delete your profile shied away. Why like trap you there for a few days. Oh god yeah.
It was hell. It was like you will find love on this
out Yeah. We know cuz you have to pay for it turns out oh my god, one of my money. Okay, so Tinder I haven't been on in a long time. To be fair. I just was finding out Using it less and less. And thought also had this thought of like, because I know if I say the same guy on multiple apps and like our body trying super hard or like, why do you need to be on multiple apps to find a partner? Even though I'm super hypocritical, because I am on several apps with the same profile photos? Yep. So even though I'm there judging this guy being like, oh, buddy, Bumble and hinge ad, it's like telling you on four, so
you're clearly on all of them as well, because you're seeing them
exactly, exactly. I didn't like the fact that I found that Bumble suddenly gave you more preferences. And Tinder didn't have that you could narrow your search down. Yeah. So why do you like him? Because I why I like hate and I don't know why you like hinge because you see, boys, right?
Yeah, I don't have any of the other apps and I also only just read downloaded hinge like maybe when we first started the podcast. And I don't really use it like I have a bank of those little levels. When someone's like you, we all know that I have an issue when they just like a fruit or they like a question. I'm like, No, you need to put some effort in. You need to ask me a question or you need to, you know, say something about my photos and my questions. You know, fucking work for it.
There is a Mexican standoff isn't there? Yeah, we go like, I've given you a little bit. Now you give me a little bit back. Mm hmm. Yeah, I'm too proud of that stuff. Meet me in the middle somewhere, buddy. Like, yeah,
why am I doing all the work? Exactly. And I also feel like their intentions aren't. Right, if that's all they're doing, they're just going through and they're just locking people that you know, they think might be okay, looking there might have something with so it's just kind of like, I don't know, it just doesn't sit well with me. But it's probably just, you know, me being too proud again, but hinge. I like it because you've got you've got the questions and you can have a bit more personality. And also because the men on there probably a little bit more, you know, open to relationships rather than just DTF because I'm not about that life at the moment. No
I agree with you. That's why I like hinge. I really like that. You know, most of the apps I think Bumbles now kind of copied hinge a bit again. Yeah, I think they have questions now too. But it's definitely hinges idea it was hinge first that had the questions. So for those that maybe aren't on hinge, rather than just having sort of like five photos of yourself, which is what you know, team they used to have, you are forced to answer three questions and there's a gazillion different options of questions to choose from. Everything from like, Just what are your say?
Okay, hang on. Yeah, raid
the bat, right. I'll get mine up to has to be fair.
So I've got a picture of me sitting in Ajay hugging it. Okay. Do you agree or disagree that tomato sauce belongs in the fridge?
Good. Nice. Yeah. Obviously in the fridge. Obviously the sheet actually was in the pantry, on the fridge. Family. No, no hang on the smartphone or fridge family is doing payda is a pantry person. So that's not on me. Okay, well that's a great opener. I think you need to have your tomato sauce and you've got to have the ratio of hot to cold. If you have a pasty or like a sausage roll, it needs to be cold. This is a whole episode. I think this needs a whole episode dedicated to where to keep condiments. Okay, next question. My most irrational fear is the strings on bananas.
I fucking hate bananas.
Just these are good. These are good because that's really unusual and unique. And that would make me laugh a little bit. And that's a really easy open up for someone to use to start conversation with you.
Yeah, most people just write back and say what the fuck you're talking about but people who hate bananas know the strings
in the last one's a little bit boring, but that's about temperature again with food. Why all of mine the fruit I didn't even know.
Oh, I asked you is that you keep chocolate at room temperature.
Oh, wow. Okay, that's very similar to the tomato sauce warm. Yeah. Let me change that one. Maybe.
Yeah, I agree. I want to press you. Well, no, because also they're gonna be like, he's always She's thinking about food. And then I've also got my main a
yeah hot dog suit so they can be like the skills of free scroll up to your like what
do you do you put what you're looking for. Are you honest about the fact because again if you're not on the app hinge gives you so many options to be really blatant about what you've got and what you're looking for. Hmm So like mine says my age, my heights where I live like that I want children which initially I was like Talia that before but like No, fuck it. I'm 32 I do want children i'm i'm going to pretend I don't want children. And if that's something that's gonna scare a potential suitor off, then they're not for me anyway. Yeah, what I mean, and then I say that I do drink and I don't smoke. And I've left another option.
to be discussed when we made
What about you? Yeah, Murcia, Murcia mana Hayden I think I have got where I live that I drink that I don't smoke. have left everything else out the hot Age, which I want to, I wish I could hide my age 30
No, don't you don't you dare you be proud of how old you are. Okay, so my questions are.
My mantra is life's short. Not.
Oh, good. Yeah.
I'll be honest. I saw a friend of mine match with a really tall girl and he's out. He was super hot. And that was hers. And I thought that's great. Nice. And I stole it.
Yeah, that's fine. You've got to do that.
But also, that's a tough one as well, because I am a tall girl. We've been through this a lot. I always talk about how tall I am. So I just want him to know like them to check my heart before they actually the second one is the dorkiest thing about me is a thought. And then I say How long do you have? Because I'm actually a secret dork. Okay, yeah. And I have many, many things to discuss. And when they asked me that, I think they're always surprised which I kind of like, I like
being a surprise package, because you also put together on your Instagram and I can only assume your hinges probably like immaculate As Well,
look, I had to I did have to go back recently and put a few more candid shots in. These are all professionally taken to see me and be like, Wait, what? Who the fuck is this? It's like, wait, if you just face to me and rely on a wrap up Yeah, literally. And my last one is always great, and we can all attest and back me on this. Last one says don't hate me if I and then I say drink you under the table. They need to know what they're getting into. Because you You always say that you can drink. I put it away. Yeah, I did put it away. So that's why I like it. I think that you get a snapshot of people's personalities immediately as well as their face. Mm hmm. And sometimes I'll see a really hot guy like oh, yeah, and then you'll have the most offensive sadistic answer response. Mm hmm. Like, what some of the awful ones you're saying.
I don't I can't not off the top of my head. But I find it funny when men they do like the classic So it's them by themselves then with their mate holding a fish,
fish. Oh my god, are you serious? You're always holding they're always holding a massive
living fish you
know the classic dog my best friend and then a baby as well but it's not theirs it's their sisters or they
have to put a little Asterix big like it's my beautiful niece just in case we think they have. They actually have a child.
Yeah, I know.
But there's so many there's like ones with them holding. I feel like back when I first started joining these dating apps guys are always holding guns. Oh my god, I feel like in 2020 that would not fly at all. We would just we just immediately call them on that. Yeah, not not cool. not cute. But back back in the day when I first joined Tinder I swear there was so many guys with guns. And another thing I fucking hate I don't know hates a strong word. I hate anything. But definitely swipe immediately left. I think they think that it makes them look like fun. Like gangster like look at me and my mates. Yeah, there's a bunch of guys or even just him on a cliff with his pants down.
Oh, I know. There's so many bum fighters when
the camera like what, how all the way? What are you doing my all I could name open a can of worms or a group shot at the races? Yeah classic Carter and they're all wearing like white fedoras and like, Gen two ties from like, why day?
can we can we make a petition that everyone needs to get a lot more creative with the hinge profiles, because this is it's getting out of hand, everyone's looking the same. And also, sometimes I
look at these photos of these man and I'm like, okay, Joe, you sat there, and you've joined a dating app either to get laid, and that's fair enough. That's your prerogative, no judgement here or to find a relationship, which is what we're both looking for. And you've sat down there and you're 3233 whatever years old. You've got 32 years worth of photographs, and these these ones are the five that you've chosen. Are these five photos? A blurry one taken on a Nokia 3310 back in 2007 a black and white shot that I think you took on your Mac laptop when we first got photobooth Yeah, some grimy Jim sharp and like you and your ex girlfriend at like a wedding. Yeah in like 2007 like honour, these are the best you've got my.
I mean in their defence it's so hard choosing a picture for the apps as well because it's like you need to kind of straddle the line of being like, this is me at my best and then he's making fun. And then you've got to find all those photos in like I have 16,000 photos or something in my foreign so what you have how many 16,000 recently? I have 20 26,574 Wow, okay, hang on. I'm up to 24,000 How did that happen?
One of my best guy friends, Andrew. I he's very hot on me. He's like the guy go to when I want to be honest. You know, like, if I'm taking 100 selfies, and I can't pick between three, I'll send him the three and be like, pick one because he would tell me the truth. Hmm. He has many times, right in my profiles on dating apps, and he has so many issues with them so many issues. He's like, why do you have a bikini shot? You need a photo of you smiling. Like why by yourself? You need photos of you and a friend like you need to like you've got friends and like, kids can't win. Mm hmm.
No, it's not the boys perspective. I know
that I worry about like, who you're going up against, especially in Korea.
Yeah. One day, will you let me have a play with that one?
I will. Okay, so we're talking about to spoken about hinge. Bumble. I did love Obama when it first came out because it was all about putting the woman first giving us the power. Then funnily enough, as soon as I had the power, I was like, I don't want it.
I know cuz you want us to want that, you know, old school thing where men you know, initiate the conversation.
It's funny. Because I think me I'm gonna kind of speak on behalf of myself my own personal experience, but I am such a passionate person. I'm not a confident person. I don't hold back. You know, I'm a bull in a china shop. But I think when it comes to dating, it is kind of nice to sort of step back and let someone else take the reins for once. I mean, it's interesting that you say that because I've noticed on your Instagram lately
that you what I think people on there like men that you like and want to maybe date.
Okay. I have been known to do this, and it works nearly every single time.
It would only work you though again. I don't know if I could. I couldn't get away with it.
No, honestly, it's not me. It's the fact that I haven't blue tick. So I think when you've got a blue verification tick, which I have on both Instagram and Twitter, you like get pushed up in the list of notifications like you sort of, you're more you're more noticeable. I think if you if you comment on someone's photo and you're verified, your comment immediately goes to the top of the list. Mm hmm. So it's not me it's the fact that I've got a blue tick, truly. But yeah, you're right. I do. I think one of my biggest ones was when I will recently when I've been obsessed with Tick Tock at the moment, have been for a bit and I kept tagging Taylor holder, who was like 22 I think maybe 22 he's just beautiful sexy boy. He's definitely a fuck boy. Like, constantly like through that whole like licking his lips seeing and like getting his abs out and Sweeney's. dicking around in tracksuit pants dancing videos, but he's so fucking hot. And I just kept tagging him as a bit of a call being like, oh, babies added again or like, look at my bird do his thing, figuring like he's got millions of followers literally like 4 million followers. And I was like, he's never gonna say it.
Did he respond?
Yes. Oh my gosh, what did he say? slid into my DMS. I'm like, haha, thanks. I was like, oh my holy shit. I want to die. No, and then he was like, actually on Snapchat, oh, okay, so I did and it took him naught point three, five seconds to ask for a nude.
How disappointing is on
I know. I also did it with a lesbian to talk about that I had a massive crush on could Lundy Mm hmm. And she slid into my DMS and was like, Oh, you're older than me. That's kind of kinky. And then obviously the one we all know about that I sort of continuing to dedicate my time and efforts to is jacksdale. No.
I think this could be a possibility.
It's shameless, isn't it? It's truly shocking lis how much I put myself out there. He's just so great. And every he responds to me like this guy's plays. I think that this is all one sided. Like he slides into my dams as well.
Yeah. Can you reveal what he's been saying to you?
Yeah, for sure. So he actually listened to too much tally the first episode, did he?
Yeah, we mentioned him and
Yeah, we did. I told him that he got a shout out. Sorry. second episode you asked me for like one of my like celebrity crushes. And I say That's right. Yeah. So I messaged him After recording, and I said heads up I fully talked about my crush on you in the next episode of my podcast. And he said haha no way. When's it out? I'll keep an eye out. I said it's out tomorrow. They said they asked me how I wanted to wake up with and I said you guys haha hot well we never know what's around the corner we'll do his podcast live I think we're starting one very soon I said you guys absolutely should be amazing Wouldn't it be hilarious yeah and then he said haha fuck me I just had a listen I love that you think I'm 21 this is the thing guys when I have a question a young guy I'll just like say that a Tony was like a roundabout guesstimate I don't actually think that 21 I'm just like he's like 21 that's like me saying he's definitely too young for me. Um, I said did you really just sit through an hour of me talking just to hear at the very end because it was at the very end of it. Yeah, that's right. Because haha i skim so hard and was like fuck me. Did I miss it was literally at the very end Good episode though. I know everything about you now got me hooked. And I said, thanks, babe with a kiss.
Oh my god. Okay, so when this episodes release next week, you know, obviously go back to him and say
yes with him.
Put a story up about him tagging him, so I think he already knows that. But can I ask a favour of you? Of course anything for you, Jess.
How about we go on a double date? You want the other one? Oh, yeah, why not? What's his name? I can't remember.
I'm jacking I'm mad. Mad,
Mad. mad. Dog down. Okay, cool. I'm absolutely done. If we're ever allowed back, maybe we can do a podcast episode with them.
Yes, that'd be fun. Because I
know this. Welcome to the daily talk show boys. So they're kind of part of the family already.
What I'm keen to know. I know we touched on it and I asked you about it last week. All the different terms that are coming around because of the dating apps and and maybe people being a little bit flaky and not earning up to their own sheesh
there are so many new arrays. I just I can't keep up with half of them. I've done some research and I have a few talk you through you ready? Mm hmm and then I want you to talk Tell me if you've ever experienced it before yourself. Okay great. Yeah, the first one is Casper ring. So obviously we know what ghosting is so groceries when ghosting is kind of the number one thing I think a singles are scared of. Would you agree 100% it happens so regularly so it's when you go on a date with someone or you're talking to someone for a while and then suddenly they just poof disappear into thin air. That is so 2019 just because in 2020 The year of everything terrible. We have Casper ring never even heard of it. What is it? Obviously Casper the Friendly Ghost we all love Casper. He was bloody cute back in the day. So Casper implies a friendly form of ghosting by giving your match some warning before doing a disappearing act or by staying friendly with them if you happen to see them at the local cafe or the gym. So it's like someone you've talking to sort of really regularly and suddenly kind of trails off. But if you bump into them at the gym at the coffee shop, they still say hi and like make small talk definitely experienced that. I experience that a lot as well. A lot and like, you know that we used to send nudes to each other right? And yeah, you're asking me how my weeks been? Like we've never met? Isn't it weird? Like you develop this relationship with someone that you think you do? You think you do? Yeah. And then you realise that you probably just one of 100 other girls. Okay, off the back of Casper ring. We also have haunting zombie. God. Yep. Have you heard of this? No. So that is when a ghoster starts liking your posts or even resumes following you on social media from beyond the grave. Okay. Yeah, so that's if someone's ghosted you and then suddenly like six months later, it's like so and so is following you. Oh, he starts liking a post again. And you're like, buddy, what? I thought you literally died.
I thought that was called bread. crumbing Am I wrong there?
No. So bread crumbing Thank you for asking bread crumbs. is sending out flirty but non committal messages to keep a potential lover just interested enough.
Right okay, so
imagine Hansel and Gretel you know giving them bread crumbs to get to the witch from the witch's house. So it's like it's the occasional double tap on a photo it's the cage and or flame emoji on a photo the casual late night you know how you going and I say message, but it's never more than that. I definitely
have so many of them in my not so many I have to such a lie. Yeah, reply to stories kind of like a juicy dangle but never really asked a question and then
the most annoying is when they're like, they apply to only like the thirsty like when they apply to like, what guys in my life that I thought I was I had something with and then they went completely AWOL, and that every time I upload, you know, a laundry photo or a swimsuit photo, they reply to that story, and I'm like, you're sorry, transparent. Yeah. Speaking of that is called a thirst trap. Hmm, God, you know, what if that champions right,
yeah, I mean, I don't do them. I can't
Well, I think maybe I could teach you how to do them because I'm very good at it. So with this trap It's a type of social media post that is intended to entice viewers sexually refers to a uses a colloquialism that likened sexual frustration to dehydration, implying desperation. I will have you know, everybody that I'm not desperate when I post these, it's just like, I've woken up. I'm feeling myself. Maybe my hair has just been done. Maybe you're gonna spray tan. Maybe I just bought a new lingerie set. And I'm like, You know what? I fucking look good. I feel good. I'm gonna pop on my Instagram. Is it generally intended for one or two people? Yeah, yeah, it is. Do I get upset when those one or two people don't actually notice or respond to it? Yeah, Yeah, I do. Mm hmm.
I feel like we've all been there. I feel like my version of that is hot dog suit. Yeah, maybe hot dog suit
like that. What is that? What is your
maybe just posting something like you might be out on a walk or you might be you know, doing Doing something creative and you pop it up or to show that you're like well rounded wifey material. Yeah, maybe. I haven't. I don't have anyone like that at the moment though, so that's okay. Well, you do have someone like that doesn't have him on Instagram yet.
Yeah, but let's, let's be positive. Yeah. into the universe. Maybe next week, let's say, I think you're right there. I think that 2020 or like 30 year old thirst trapping is like when you successfully bake some muffins. Like what's like wife, husband trapping, which leads us to honey potting. So honey potting is when someone figures out what you like what you're into, and tells you what you want to hear just to get what they want out of you.
I hate these terms. I hate these actions. This is everything that's wrong with dating for me, and this is why I have an aversion to it. Okay, I got two more for you.
Stay with me. So there's cuffing God. Yeah. What's that one and I started about cuffing season on tik tok and I just pretended I knew what it was about, but I had no fucking idea. So coughing refers to cereal singles parents. up for the colder months.
I thought it was gonna be like handcuffs or something
no leash kinky. So it's when like it's coming up to winter and people go to hibernate and you like go quick quick, quick I better find someone to like basically kind of like get locked out like a little down buddy. Yeah. Okay last one is called deep linking I haven't heard any of these except for bread crumbing just so real No. Okay, so deep linking is showing you like somebody by scrolling back through their social media pictures and posts and liking them for months or even years before
that gives me anxiety because I do that naturally. When I'm stalking someone I'm like if I accidentally double talk to double top, but then they're gonna know that I'm stalking but that's, that's the thing. So I feel like that's something we've always been warned about. You know, when you're showing a girlfriend and you got like dark for the love of God, do not double tap.
But now it's kind of like a show of commitment. If you're happy to scroll back to 2014 and like his photo of him with the boys in bed. No,
I mean, it's a tactic show.
It's that's the 2020 version of committing to somebody. You don't go to Facebook official anymore. You just deep link someone. That's it.
That's hilarious. I'm so excited to get to this next part. I'm so sorry. I'm going to jump right into it, though. Don't do it. Come on. I want to know all about your funny dating stories, because I know that you will have quite a few
quick round up lists. So I've had an asthma attack during sex and I needed a puffa. I've had an Ikea bed break underneath me classic. I've had a floating shelf that was, you know, Shockley installed by this guy bought it with the TV when he wasn't full on my head. Oh, give me a concussion during sex. We had a heatwave here in Melbourne last year and we had no conditioning at my old apartment. And so all the windows were open. And I had a particularly fun night, one night and the next morning woke up to a very, very angry scrolled letter that would have been shoved under my door, saying that you know, it is summer and we do all have our windows open and if we could keep our recreational activity noise to a bare minimum in the future, that would be great. What is that? That was pretty embarrassing. One of the favourites the old faithfuls that my friends love me to tell over and over again at various dinner parties is the time. So I was saying this guy, pretty regularly, I thought we will play the long game. I thought we were like building to relationship and then it got to like six months and I was like, hang on a minute. I'm playing the long game. You're not playing at all. I'm like, this is not going anywhere. This is just casual sex. And I realised that to light but he took him a while, you know, as it does sometimes come on a warm up and reveal his kink and what he was into. Anyway, one night I was at his place and he was like, I bought you something to wear. I was like, oh, Okay love lingerie amazing like is it you know, is it from like gooseberry agent poker vote like where's it from?
And he pulls out this PVC cat suit.
Now just to paint a picture for you d listeners, it was high cut so like a one piece swimsuit on the bottom. So high cut like G string on the back. long sleeves that came right down to my to my wrists. Yeah, and high neck. So it was kind of a turtleneck vibe at the top. Okay, yeah. PVC catsuit. That's pretty stock standard like costumes, katsu, PVC. Like I can handle this like Yeah, sure. I'll put it on what about so I went to his walking wardrobe to put it on. And I'm taking out of the plastic. It was brand new, just FYI. It was like he sure was, it was definitely brand new. Taking on the plaques plastic and I pull it out just and it's about
yay big. Mm hmm. So what It looked
like a toddler's swimsuit for swim school. He had another bit of a prey story for you. This guy had been known to date predominantly beautiful petite, Asian or Eurasian women. Yeah. For me, I'm pretty sure I was a rebound. The girl from eurasians to a six foot blonde lanky thing, huh. Anyway, I yelled out and I was like, Oh, it's this is no, it's gonna feel like this is like a size full. And I'm like an eight to 10 mm. This is no way also long torso as we discussed in episode one. This is the thing it's hardest to dress. Is this part of my body? Like you've picked the hottest pot. He's like just put it on. Like but it's not gonna he's like put it on. Like a Christian Grey fuck.
So I've put it on.
Oh my god.
First of all, try putting PVC on it's very tricky to put it on over my head and Like squeeze my arms into this tiny bit of plastic but obviously just the little glossy buttons at the vagina aren't going to do oxygen to short me
so like okay on the top but like it's not gonna shut down the bottom is like I don't care come out
like this is fucking weird and then at what point we like fuck this
will get to a point I was like I'm just uncomfortable and I can't manoeuvre the way I want to manoeuvre like you know straight jacket basically yeah do you want to starfish what do you what do you what part of this are you into? Yeah, another funny story was very early on when I was sort of still a teenager when I bought glow in the dark lube. Being very excited about what we could do you know what fun we come with with glow in the dark blue only to realise just that the loop itself does not glow in the dark. It's just the plastic
disappointing you know that I've ever bought gum and I didn't even know there was glow in the dark blue.
I want to be But it was just the bottle so you don't lose it in the dock bedroom.
Right? Okay, it would make sense. Yeah.
Um, okay another time I went to this guy's house and he had an axolotl in his tank. What is that? Okay, if anyone does know what an axolotl is please Google image search it they had terrifying and it was literally like this up against the window staring at us the entire time and I eventually was too freaked out and I had to leave.
That's kind of creepy. I want to know you mentioned it the first day you might have gone on after Drew. Am I right in saying that one? Drop that one before? What was it?
So wouldn't you when I broke up I just moved to Melbourne. I was a new gal in a big city. And I hadn't been single before. I had never been single. I had just gone from relationship to relationship. I've never been on a dating app. I've never been on a first date never had a one night stand even. And suddenly I was on Tinder as we said this is back in the day and I had a date. Except the thing is just that the only bars and restaurants I knew in Melbourne are the ones that draw Taking me to because we would, you know, we're together I want to move to Melbourne. So I picked this bar off chapel street that I love because you know, it was one of the only ones I knew. And I was there with my date and I was trying really hard to be fair in hindsight I was still going over him and over drew and I probably wasn't ready to be dating but I was trying to get myself back out there and you know, give this give this guy a chance you know, I'm sitting there I'm facing the door and he's guys making chat about something brother I think it was a school teacher and he was waffling on about something. And then in walks drew oh god a girl that looks exactly like me. Oh,
yeah, that could
have been my doppelganger Oh, like a stunt double if I was in a movie Yeah. And I was like, Holy fuck
when i look eyes
at him, he looks eyes with me. He doesn't about face immediately does a spin on his heels and then shoves his go back out the restaurant. Oh god. Yeah, like you said men gone. Fuck. This turnaround pushed this poor girl back out the restaurant. And I left. I couldn't regain my focus. I was so fixated on what to just happen. The poor guy in front of me, I've just gone completely dead. He's like, are you okay? I'm like, yep, sorry. So yeah, so sorry. What we saw was, what are you saying? What do you say you didn't tell him? What just happened? No, I eventually did because I couldn't I couldn't regain focus. I'm sorry. My ex boyfriend just walked in with another girl. Like oh, where am I? No, no, he pushed
But then I heard from him because even I was still kind of on talking terms. Apparently that night they went to another place. And the whole night, people come up to this girl and be like, hey, Telly, can I get a photo? So good so awkward for her like Poor thing. But that was pretty far too many and it was that guy in senior told you about the guy from Bumble look after. Yeah, so long story short with that one. He must And months of talking months and months of lead up, like so much pressure on both of us moving and as we discussed, yes, I can drink like a fish like, I can drink a lot. And so he came to my hotel we had a pre drink then we went to a restaurant in Sydney on my favourites tighties. And he, this is looking back trying to figure out where it all went wrong. He tried to Iota to Blaney, because we know I love champagne. And he tried to order one too and I was like, No, I'm not going to believe again old fashioned. Fully forcing like a pretty strong cocktail down is poor boys and girls. Yeah. Then we had Margarita and we had more champagne and we had more drinks. Anyway, he vomited the entire night. He was spewing from like 11pm onwards, I had to put him to bed. I had to take his pants off. I had to get him a bucket, a wet washcloth. He could barely hold a conversation. It was
pretty grim and also You were in your hotel and are paid for and you went to see family and friends up in Sydney as well.
I know and I didn't really like I wasn't really ready for him to stay the night but he was literally paralytic.
And the next morning he woke up he was like, I'm sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm like, No, look, it's fine. Like these things happen. Maybe just don't try and like keep up with the big dogs. Or the smackers because I'm a good nurse. He was so nauseous, he was like, I'm so sorry. Can you please go and eat that cheeseburger out on the balcony? I was like, I can't believe he asked
you to do that.
I was like, you know, if you ate some of these cheeseburger, you'd be feeling better, huh? Anyway, when I was like, you know what fresh start fresh. Like we had plans that day to go to another pub. And he had some work to do. He's a he was a videographer. So he was videoing some some DJ. Oh, that I made him have lunch got him fish and chips. I was like, no look, you obviously have to eat maybe you didn't eat enough last night. Here's a massive plate of fish and chips for you. Like Please eat the whole thing. I want to watch you eat this For your real mother Henry literally like please ate something just didn't want to repay Really? And then that we wrapped up at the bar we will have some drinks I was you know it was we sort of lucked out time still up in Sydney because during COVID still and I was like if I got to my hotel room and he was like what really like Yeah, sure. That's the thing with me Jess, I get very like everyone's welcome.
by the round who wants a drink so But back to my hotel room but everyone drinks but all of my room tab like the idiot that I am in front kind of leaves at about an hour or two ish and he starts vomiting again. Oh my god. You can't make this shit up. He tries to hold it together but he's like grey in the face. I could like my my I don't know if you ever said the Qt and Sydney but the bathrooms don't actually have a window or like access to outside. It's like in the middle of the room. So like I could smell it like the rooms Duncan vomit It was so gross. At this point, I was kind of getting fed up, but I also thought obviously really bad for him.
Can I just point at it that at this point, I would have ordered an Uber for him to get the fuck out?
I don't know why he didn't go hey, you know what, I'll just shut myself out, but I wasn't gonna kick him out. So again, put him to bed with water. You know, took his pants off form for fucksakes I think he tried to throw a leg over at one point and I was like, absolute fucking literally not like if you think I want to sleep with you after this performance. second night in a row, you are sadly mistaken. But I felt bad for him. Obviously. We've all been there. I don't know if it's been two nights in a row on a date. But anyway, woke up the next morning. He was worse. couldn't even get up to shower this time. Yeah, I had plans to have see friends a lot. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday in Bondi. I had plans to say friends plans to go for a long lunch I had to cancel everything. Mm hmm. I literally knows team all day. day and all night. I didn't leave the hotel. I went down to Woolworths got him Gatorade, Powerade, coconut water, anything you felt like? Why he just moaned and groaned next to me in the hotel bed for a third day.
That is such a horrible experience.
It was traumatic. I was like this. I'm never doing this again. I just thought, and you know what's funny, like it was obviously, he could laugh about it, and I felt bad for him. And, you know, we ended on good terms. He was amazing. I'm really sorry. I'm like, Look, it's fine. I think this is a lesson for you. Maybe you start drinking? I don't know. Maybe I don't know what you should have. I was like,
Yes, we should have you next day. Okay,
right. But I actually, it's funny when I eventually got rid of him. Bless his cotton socks and he went back up to the coast. I caught my best friend and I burst into tears. And actually, because I was like, I'm just so sick of putting myself out there. And it not working out. Like, I'd invested all this time. We've been talking for months in lockdown. You know, I'd flown out to Sydney to see him. You know, I just, it's, it's so disheartening when you're constantly putting yourself out there and taking a risk. And you know, that's the first time I've flown in a state for someone for the first time I've put everything in line for a person I thought could end up being someone that I shared my life with. And when it constantly fails, it's like fine how much energy I have in me hang
Yeah, but remain positive because he's out there for you.
Is he? He just because I've now now this leads on perfectly to some of these horrendous date stories. So last night on my Instagram, I asked you guys to share with us your hilarious date stories and your absolute files that were mainly files, but I think that when the date goes horribly wrong, I think you've got a bit of a sense of humour, and humility. You can laugh at it. Yeah. Tom, you like this is my life. I want to just just bury me right now. But if you can't laugh about After then, really like,
some of them are modifying that and can't believe mersa these have happened. So you're gonna read out some of your favourites. We've got some quick ones and then other people have given you some real detailed ones which is hilarious
obviously when you answer a question box on Instagram and it gives you a certain amount of characters I had that many painful bless you come into my day games be like he is the full story and it just was so good. I was sitting at them all morning. I was like, No way and this one way and this one. Yeah, well, the one that stood out to me the most was, I don't even know how this would have happened. But one guy got his penis out in a cafe dot dot dot.
Like, how do you get to that point? A lot of these are first dates as well. By the way, first date stories. I'll take a latte and here's my dick,
right? What was like was probably table like, like wallet but on the table. It's like flop it. Okay. Okay, this one ran true to me because I've had this happen to me before on a day and I was on a date with a guy. We're in the cinema. periodically throughout the movie. He started Saving new to snapchats from a girl. He turned the phone to me multiple times to show me like I was one of the boys. He would get one turned to me and say, hey, look another one. I was mortified. That has happened to me before. Really? Yeah, I've been hanging out with a guy that I thought I was kind of dating. Hmm. And we like hanging out on the couch and be like, Oh, look at this fully nude video that's going to set me and I'd be like, oh,
cool, cool. You guys fucking or why do you know?
I had one where a guy was talking to me. He been married and they're just broken up. And he was talking to me about her. I was like, this is good as hell. He showed me her Instagram as well. She was an influencer. So I was like, Oh, perfect. Oh, yeah, thanks. I feel really good about this situation. Now. I know where you want to
hear Batman. I've definitely been known to bring up the x not to talk about the x but I Feel like when you're talking about your life story. Eventually they pop out a pop up.
Yeah, that's fine, but not when you're like, just, you know, talking about it like, I don't
know. You're like what my dad was a tissue. You're right man.
Yeah, you're gonna be okay. Your turn. Someone said he invited his mom and sister who sat through tables away and he pointed them out. Oh my god
that's amazing. No, like these just made me feel so much better about myself. Like I this one again. I've been here before
and I responded to her and I was like, honey, that's a totally one I was
okay. I drove
two hours to a boy's house, though never met with a bottle of wine and a bottle of gin finished that plus another bottle of wine. So right now she's had a bowl of Jean and two bottles of wine. Why she not did drop buddy's toilet told him I hated he's tedders and he has a fuck boy name. I woke up the next morning at his house with no memory of any of it besides the drive of course and somehow he said They wanted to hang out with me
oh god I mean good on her for turning that around that's great might I feel like this is a common thing I hear all the time through friends and whatnot but he pissed the bed on a one night stand I work up to a sound of it my bed. Why do that? I haven't been so
paralytic that I do not where I am like I've never been like oh, this is definitely my bathroom.
I know I don't get it either. Like they just go to the corner or the cupboard or whatever and take a piece it's bizarre. Okay, another one way way I found it was the one about I'm gonna read another one while you're finding it. fell over holding ice cream. He didn't help me up pointed out I recall in my pants. rude. That's just rude. asked me to fly from Melbourne to London to meet his mom. Okay, we had on the first day
maybe drive out to eat dinner with him. I'd already eaten he made me pay for my food. I'm like, dressed up for fine dining ends up at a kebab shop.
Okay, he's on perhaps too much info. He's his foreskin into his jeans. I just want you to Right back to that girl and find out what the fuck happened there.
Right this one told me he cooked me dinner which turned out to be microwaved party pie.
He randomly told me he tattooed his name on his dude. great achievement, total gentle mood. All right, let's finish on this one because I feel like I just can't believe that someone would also want to do this. But once I went on a date with a guy years ago, Tinder and brackets I mean, that says it all doesn't. And when we went out for dinner, and when the food came, I went to continue the conversation, but he asked me to pause the conversation so he could focus on his food. And we sat there in silence, just eating pizza. Once we both finished, he just picked up the conversation from where we were at. And it was so awkward. Can you
imagine just sitting in silence waiting for someone to finish their food, like pizza big meal, like waiting a while for someone to finish a pizza? Like I said, with a pizza for a
while? Yeah, just I kind of hold it up, finish a mouthful and keep talking. It's not like you were out at a restaurant and you actually needed to focus on what you're eating. I like a nice girl mistake or something.
Does this make you feel better about dating just
a little bit worse one, or maybe feel worse that last one. Like if someone did that to me, I feel like I'd probably just have to walk out. I don't think I'd cope. I really I feel like I'd just go sorry inshallah, that I'd be like, what am I doing?
God, I just, I have so many other bad dates or as I want to talk about, but we have run out of time. And I don't want to make this another two hour episode that we have to split into two.
Jess, it's been a pleasure. Thank you to
guys. If you love this episode, we would love for you to give us five stars and a glowing review on Apple podcasts. Otherwise, you can catch us on Apple podcast, Spotify or anywhere you listen to your podcast and we will see you next Tuesday.